Yesterday, Emma and I came back from two weeks of "Holiday". I use quotations because it wasn't exactly restful for us, nor did we need or want that restful time! On the 5th we took a 10hr drive from Chiang Mai to Chiangnat in Central Thailand. There we helped at a Children's camp with crafts. I have pictures on Facebook if you'd like to see!
It was an interesting experience for me. I've been to Ecuador, the only other country I have been to in which I can't understand the language around me. While in Ecuador however, we had constant translators. Being in Central Thailand surrounded by a little over a hundred kids was tough for me. That week was the first time I experienced actual culture shock. In Chiang Mai I had experienced little culture shocks but nothing like at the camp. There was one night I went back to my room while the kids were having their evening session and I just sat and cried out to God in prayer, absolutely helpless. I asked God if He was for real, I told Him that I don't think I'm cut out for this....I was basically being a Moses plain and simple. I'm such a relational person...my most favorite thing in the world is to have heart to hearts with people...to get into their way of thinking, to get into their mind and see where they come from and meet them there while possibly bringing them up. And I LOVE kids! So those two things being denied from me was very tough for me. I sat and watched these kids and couldn't say more than hello to them!
I have read that it is extremely important for a person to KNOW they are called to the mission field before they go because it's extremely tough and would be easy to leave when it gets tough. I was feeling that the very thing night I was pleading with the Lord. I was doubting that He even called me, I was doubting that I have what it takes, I was missing home, it was just a tough time with no one to confide in but God (which is the best thing because when He brings you out you can only give the assurance to Him!).
And I received that assurance! After the camp we went with a missionary couple, the Robertsons, and their daughter Gracie who have been on the field for ten years. They have older children who are already out of college and Gracie who is ten. They are from New Zealand so I was officially surrounded by all Kiwis! A bit of a culture shock even with just that! ;) But as I talked with them and with another new missionary, Gaeron who is from Holland, I received such sweet confirmation!! I shared some of my prophesy and my story of how the Lord has brought me from a little kid at Mars Alliance responding to a missionaries prayer to the ATF...landing on Thailand, to the HA, to the missionary kid from Thailand telling me about what his parents do and coming here. It's hard to go into all the details but I received SUCH confirmation as to Thailand being the place He has called me. In the prophesy, he said that I'll speak to people that are rich in things and that are pour in spirit. When Gaeron took us to breakfast he said that Thailand is one of the richest countries in Southeast Asia but probably the poorest in spirit...less than 1% of the country is Christian! It blew my mind...I had guesses but didn't realize. I'm always open to God changing what I feel confirmed, especially with my heart to write and to go to many places and I feel like He might do that, but I do know that He put Thailand on my heart for a reason and He has confirmed it.
I learned so much about Church Planting and the different ways to go about it and just so much wisdom and daily ins and outs. OMF has a heart to church plant to church plant to church plant! As I have been praying if God is calling me with this organization I have been praying what He is exactly calling me to do. I feel like I want to get some kind of journalism degree or something at a Bible college and then go from there. And I haven't received confirmation, but human and sex trafficking continues to be on my heart. Sometimes I feel silly but every time I see a white man or even a Thai man with two or more girls wearing inappropriate clothing my heart jumps. I, of course, don't go and judge the man for I have no idea the truth but there is a tug on my heart each time and my heart asks what if and longs to respond in anyway I can. I actually look around in surprise at the people with me and wonder if they see what I see, feeling slightly embarrassed to even bring it up or question it. I also still have such a huge heart for the church of America and it's ungodliness in different ways: false prophets, lawlessness, etc and I have a heart for people coming back to Him.
So I really don't know what He has for me but I do have confirmation that He has brought me this far. It's so beautiful, really...even when my heart cries out to Him and longs for different things I am reminded of His steadfast faithfulness and must cling to that through the doubts and insecurities. I've never liked doing things alone no matter how much I've jumped to do anything the Lord asks but I feel like I'll have to do more things alone. But, I'll have Him so it brings me a deeper peace than what's on the outside.
I pray you guys are doing well! I also ask that you guys pray for me on something specific! There has been an opportunity that has come up that I have been praying a ton about whether to take or not! It may also be a little bit more in the funds department so I am praying very hard about what God has for me. Pray that God will provide if He is calling me there and if not, that is fine too...both opportunities are good ones...I just like knowing exactly what He wants! ;)
I love you guys!
Amanda
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